Success

Success. This is a topic that I've recently started to grapple with. What does it mean to be successful? My middle-class mind drifts towards wealth, big-important jobs that pay to the extreme, the best neighborhoods in the city... Maybe that's a typical response to that type of question, I'm not really sure.

A while back I read a book called "The Framework for Understanding Poverty" by Dr. Ruby Payne. She is/was a educator in Texas who started a study on why kids were failing in schools and her research led to class struggles and expectations. Mainly in the form of economic poverty, but she also discussed poverty in terms of all available resources (i.e. family/friend support, money, housing, transportation, opportunities, etc). It was fascinating to read about what each economic class valued and strove to obtain.

Success for a middle class family, for example, is based upon education and managerial skills. So my thoughts of what defines success in my mind are (sub)culturally driven ideals: wealth accumulation via objects (houses, cars, clothes) and particular jobs (executives, CEO's) and where someone went to college (Ivy League, Stanford). Those high set benchmarks are the ideals set forth in our culture to (generally) define who has made it and who hasn't. The pride that a middle class family has when their child is accepted to MIT or Harvard. That they've got the muster to be at the very top.

Success for a wealth family isn't from expensive objects- they are by nature but when you're in a class of people who can buy just about anything they want, it comes down to exclusivity and who you know. Education is a given - and going to Harvard or Columbia will happen, even if the kid isn't all that smart to begin with. The attendance isn't for the education to get a good paying job later on, it's to connect with other wealthy families so power, influence and alliances can be continued on. To me, that's why secret societies like the Skull and Bones at Yale are so crazy to understand for other classes and why they generate so much conspiracy theory behind them.

Purchasing items becomes more of who has the exclusive rights to do such (and sometimes buying what isn't for sale). Limited production or rare antique multi-million dollar sports cars for example. My brother is a graphic designer and one of his clients sells ultra limited production wrist watches. These watches sell for several hundred thousand dollars each and his client actually brought over three of them to his house. He couldn't even convey the nervousness he had to have over a million dollars in watches on his coffee table - and there were only three of them!

The poor rely on social networks for what they need. Things that the middle class and the wealthy take for granted are not reliable in their world so simple things like having reliable transportation to get to and from work can be an issue. If the car breaks down, they can't get to work and thus loose their job. They can't pay a standard mechanic for the work so it comes down to who they know who can fix the car in some sort of barter and trade system.

The concept of a future doesn't exist. "Future" is just a word and has no meaning. Money that is brought into the household is split amongst those there. Windfalls are blown immediately. That's why state lotteries come under so much criticism as a "poor tax" because those who mainly purchase lottery tickets live below (or near) the poverty level and when a massive windfall happens, those millions of dollars are lost in a matter of months. They aren't trained in the concept of managerial skills for money or investments and why middle class people are so appalled at the squandering of such a gift.

Success for those who live in poverty comes from those that have gifts of talent in sports/entertainment. The ghetto rapper who can make it to the big time as a national recording artist is highly valued. Mainly from the entertainment s/he provided in the ultra stressful world of poverty.

What made me think about success is why do I/we think of the culturally driven markers as the culmination of a successful life? The more I think about it, the more ludicrous it seems. Why do I need to strive to be on some sort of defined career path where my success isn't determined by my own values, but by those around me who are casting their votes on if I made it or not.

And for those who do reach levels of success under those cultural terms, that we actually turn on them? Dr. Payne actually outlined that people can move from class to class successfully if they have a guide to show them the unwritten rules of that class (what to do and say). But one of the hardest things she found for those who want and desire to move classes, and even if they have a guide who will invest in them for that shift, is that they have to give up all of their previous support group to do such. That may mean relationships with family - and that can be a roadblock to that successful shift. We turn on those who shift because we can't identify with them anymore. We cast them into some sort of Purgatory.

I've been thinking about how to adjust my own attitudes about success and stop perpetuating those ideals that really don't make sense. Success is a life that is happy and enjoyable and for most accounts, money (although important for basic security of resources) isn't the key. Seems like the more money you have the more problems that actually arise.

I am reminded of a story that I heard told to me once (forgive me for not having the reference):

A rich businessman was vacationing in Mexico where he went on a charter fishing trip. While enjoying himself on the cruise, the man asked the captain if he thought about expanding his fleet, making a ton of cash and living the good life.

The captain of the boat didn't have any money and asked what that would entail. The rich businessman immediately jumped into his business plan of adding 10 more boats, hiring a full time staff to market and entertain his guests and accountants to manage all of the money he'd make.

The captain asked for what purpose he'd do this? It would take so much effort to run a company of that size. The businessman told him it would be a lot of work, but it would be worth it in the end. The captain could retire one day, relax and go fishing like he was doing on his vacation.

The captain thought about it and then told the businessman:

"But I'm doing that right now."

Sometimes we're right where we want to be even without the business plan.