For a guy who knows a lot about nothin'...

I'm having a bad work day today. It seems that I have picked a line of work that has become (some how) not very suitable for me. And it sucks.

Maybe it's the beginning of a mid-life crisis -where mine isn't so much wanting to be young again (other than maybe a few key do-overs - like career choice) - but that I really just want my life to have tangible meaning through all things that I do (work, family, friends, etc). The thought of just laboring away at a worthless, thankless job just about kills me.

I have had great positions - but they haven't seemed to last. My very best thus far was actually working at an architectural firm - but not in projects (I was the CFO for the company). For better or worse I was blessed with big picture thinking. Which, has it's arch nemesis - details. My career path is full of details that I just don't seem to care too much about. Especially in construction where I have to literally babysit subcontractors who lie to me either about even doing the work or that they did but didn't do a very good job at it. Then I take it in the shorts from my boss who thinks that I should have an inherent distrust for all persons and that all people are basically liars so if you don't act like a pit-bull to "take it down" then you're failing miserably.

And I think that's where my issue is. I'm not a pit-bull. Never have been. I'm more like a golden retriever who likes to hang out and enjoy life. So I'm realizing that I'm already at a disadvantage.

The thing is, I LOVED college. My degree is in architecture and the theories and practice of architecture are right up my alley. The reality of the practice of architecture is that no one cares about any theories and the practice really is about money. And that's just not all that sexy especially when very few people out there really appreciate it.

The market for construction/real estate/architecture is absolutely pathetic due to the economy. So I should be thankful that I have a job to begin with in this industry. But what is a job when your 50-60 hour work weeks are deemed a complete waste of time hammering out insignificant details for a client who could care less about what it actually takes to get it done? It's rather demoralizing.

I'm looking for the big three: quality of work, quality of workplace and quality of compensation. So far, I've found that all three are rather elusive. I've enjoyed quality of work and workplace - but got paid crap. I've enjoyed quality of compensation but the other two seem to not exist. Maybe this place I'm looking for is rather mythical. Probably riding around on a unicorn.

So I'm at a cross-roads in my career. I can either just bob along and do mediocre work because I don't really enjoy it anymore or I can explore some of my more passionate areas and see how that could pan out. But moving away from what I do now is a huge investment in time, energy, expense, education and ultimately starting over. It's a tough decision to make for day-to-day happiness.

I know that last line seems ridiculous to say - but I have obligations - a young family and wife who depend on me. To jet off to grad school isn't something that can easily accomplished without the sacrifice of my family (in their desires and goals to accommodate mine). So I have to be very careful about which whims are to be followed and why.

So I'm left frustrated and a bit lost. I believe that my interests lie in so many different areas, but one that I could single out as a "passion" is hard to pin down. At least not one that I could currently bet on as a successful career change. So I end up doing what I don't like to do and let the winds and the tide take me where it will without giving any self-direction.

I guess I'm looking for insight from anyone who may be reading this and can maybe help me see the forest through the trees.